Want To Change The World? Try Pole Dancing
A few years ago I was in San Francisco on business. Some colleagues and I went to a Moroccan restaurant for dinner. The atmosphere was everything you’d expect. Dimmed lights. Tufted pillow seats on the floor. Savory food served communal-style eaten by hand. Middle Eastern/North African music playing in the background. Then, out she came. A gorgeously dark and voluptuous woman with a bare midriff and layers of cascading material on her lower body. She proceeded to perform a traditional “belly dancing” routine.
The dancer was in total control of her body. Every muscle. She could move her hips in slow wide circles or in short quick bursts. All the while keeping her chest up and arms out to her sides. She frequently locked eyes with her audience. At one point she balanced a sword on her head and moved her lower body vigorously while staring at my blushing co-worker.
It was like watching the “Goddess” come to life in human form. It felt hypnotic, sensual, a little dangerous.
I started wondering - How in the world did this exotic style of dance showcasing the inherent sexuality of a woman’s body come from an area that now has some of the most restrictive cultural and societal norms for women on the planet? What was at the heart of this paradox? I felt a smug sense of gratitude that I lived in a society where that wasn’t the case. And, went back to noshing on hummus.
Fast-forward a few years, a rapidly changing public conversation in the Western world about our own beliefs and behaviors towards women has been forced into the open, and I’ve taken up pole dancing. Another style of dance that is associated with feminine sexuality. These two changes have highlighted an ugly truth. Our society isn’t exactly as free and progressive about feminine sexuality as I once thought. Nor am I.
We might not force or pressure women to cover their bodies or ban them from activities like driving or working but much of the “progressive” world still treats displays of feminine sexuality as “bad” or “shameful”.
Some of the negative reactions I’ve gotten when I say I am now wild about pole dancing range from silly and awkward to downright backward.
Having trouble paying your mortgage? Need to start stripping?
What do you tell your kids? Won’t they be embarrassed by their mom doing this?
That’s weird. I don’t get it.
Careful. People will get the wrong idea about you.
Is everyone else there a stripper?
Most of the time I get a strained smile and a tilt of the head and a quick change to a new subject.
I am no better. I have been complicit in this whole awkward exchange as well. I usually preface it with - I know this sounds weird or crazy but I love pole dancing.
I am done with that. (And, by the way, what the heck is wrong with stripping??? It is an honest living and perfectly legal. Much more honorable than say working for Amway or being a Televangelist:) Or, any other pyramid scheme. I kid. Sort of.)
I have never felt more connected to myself than when I am pole dancing. I have never loved my own body and its capabilities more. I have never understood the beauty of all bodies as I do now. I am learning to inhabit and honor myself in a way that our culture frowns upon. It is life-changing. It is empowering. It helps me be a better person. Yet, we laugh at it. Make snide remarks and stupid jokes. Look down on the women who do it for fun, art, and/or for work.
I’ve thought long and hard about this and have come to the conclusion that people the world over react negatively to displays of feminine sexuality because of fear and his asshole twin brother - control.
When a woman is “in” her own body, enjoying it for her own pleasure, and sharing her essence with those she chooses, it is intoxicating. It is an invitation to feel desire and love. It is the barely contained promise of creation and fertility but with the threat of fury and destruction peaking out from under the veil. The watcher sees rivers of emotion coursing freely through her in the form of movement and expression. It causes people to confront the very nature of the “Goddess”, both her soft sensual side and her powerful, whimsical, retributive side. It is one of the most sacred sights to behold. It should be revered.
Instead, in a world that reveres masculine at the expense of the feminine, it creates fear. Fear that women will collectively rise. That we will all wake up at once and understand that most of daily life, society, popular culture, and modern religion is set up to keep us from knowing ourselves, our bodies, our own power.
Show me fear and I will show you a system that seeks to control. Control gives the illusion of safety. And, control can come in the form of forcing women to cover their entire bodies head to toe or not allowing them to make personal decisions about their own health or reproductive destiny or it can come in the insidious form of belittling through words and “jokes” and “othering” of humans deemed as less than.
“Yes. I know where my weaknesses lie. All young women do. They are constantly reminded of their flaws.
But, don’t forget, I am not a young woman anymore. And, I know something more important now. I understand my own strengths and how to use them.
That is more valuable than any form of gold.”
As a younger woman, I used to get so frustrated about this state of affairs. But, as I like to say in 2019, I am no longer a young woman and there is such power in that. I straight up don’t give a fuck about a lot of things I used to labor over. I’m not apathetic or angry. I am simply much more strategic about how I spend my emotional energy.
As a grown woman just now learning to connect with myself through dance, I desperately want to change the world for the next generation including my children. The rock has started rolling. The #metoo movement was a serious push forward but change tends to be more evolutionary than revolutionary. And, inertia is always a threat to forward progress.
Truthfully, I don’t know how we go about changing society to make space for the feminine much less put it on the equal footing it needs to be with the masculine. It will more than likely take all kinds of work at all levels to get there. But, I do know this. We need it now more than ever. All I can do is change me. And, hopefully, in the changing of me, I will create a little space for another woman or man to change herself or himself.
So, the next time you ask me what I’ve been up to lately, and I look you straight in the eye and say - I’ve taken up pole dancing and I am in love with this art form. Want to see some of my videos? Want to come dance with me? - and, I see your discomfort in my brazen declaration, I won’t join you there. I will, however, lovingly invite you into my world of love and light and beauty and hope you like it so much that you create your own version and share that with others.
And, if enough people change and shine their beauty and light on the world, we just might start a revolution that makes the world a better place for all!
